


Forgive and Forget

by Huju92



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-23 16:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30058500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huju92/pseuds/Huju92
Summary: Aftermath of the Stonebanks fiasco in Azmenistan - after E3
Relationships: Lee Christmas/Barney Ross
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody :)
> 
> Its my first fanfic in english.  
> (English is not my native language)  
> Hope everything is understandable.  
> Enjoy :)

Lee waits for Barney in the hangar, sent him a text hours ago that he wanted to meet and fucking talk because he owed him some god damn fucking answers.

He can't do it anymore. Has to go, leave Barney behind after the shit in Azmenistan and Stonebanks in general. Even after days he can still feel his heart stop after the incident with the collapsing roof. Almost couldn’t belive his eyes as he saw Barney barely hold the rope. 

Wanted to keep an eye on Barney, but the bastard vanished as soon as they landed, fucking left the hangar while Lee was in the shower. Felt like an idiot after he came out, freshly showered and with his first aid kit in hand prepared to treath Barneys wounds, like they doing it each time after a mission.

That was five days ago, countless phone calls with Barneys mailbox, stops to his fucking house. Barney isn’t even home. Doesn’t understand what he had done so fucking wrong that he cut him out, without even talking to him. 

Lee got angrier and angrier. Is fucking pissed. Has to leave now bevor it rips him apart. Slowly he understands he means not so much to Barney like he hoped. Could live with Barney as best friend, would have no problem to surpress his love for the asshole, like he has done for years. But can’t forgive Barney for cutting him out first from the team and now ignoring him. Wouldn’t even fucking talk to him. demented bastard…

...Flashback...

Lee‘s cackling like a looner after Toll yells at barney that they will leave him hangig should he blow up the team again. Remember his raging feelings when he saw Barneys exhausted face. The old Team scattered around the opening and pulling Barney in the cooper. Lee had to fucking hug him tight to his chest, shaking like a leave when he’s finally inside. Hears the cheering of every teammember, old and new.

Hears Drummer say „ God Barney you owe me, that shit was fucking on point“

Lee has to surpress all the noise the team is making, especially Galgo who talks once again nonestop.

Felt Barneys hands fist in his shirt and hold him there. Breathes him in. Can feel the eyes of their Teammates on them, but he honestly couldn’t give a shit. Forces his eyes open and pushed softly against Barneys shoulders so he can look him in the eye. 

„You good?“ can’t hide the hitch in his voice.

„Yeah, bit sore, apart from that everyhings ok“ his grovely voice out of breath.

„What the fuck took you so long? Where‘s the fucker, you got him?“ Lee asks angry, almost shouting. But quickly deflates as he hears how fucking tired Barney sounds. 

„Dead, shoot him for good this time. Found me, while you all ran up. Crashed my radio, couldn’t let you know he was on me. Came almost to late to the fucking rescue party“ 

„Yeah, didn’t noticed, old man“ Lee says eyes rolling after the last bit. Grins after he hears Barneys huff.

Thinks the demented idiot is still georgous even after all his years as mercenary and despite his age. Has to take a deep breath, now’s not the time to think about his feelings for Barney. Theres time for that wenn he’s alone in his bed in the latest Motel...

Lee can’t help himself and let his eyes roam over Barneys Body. Checks his face, touch his chest and ribs, can feel Barney wince and jerk when he finds a particularly sore spot, but thank god nothing feels cracked. After he‘s sure Barney hadn’t lied, forces himself to calm down, had to remember that his team and the new Kids are here, starring and whispering at them. Don’t want to show them his soft side, it’s reserved for Barney only. 

Moves with him to a free spot and forces Barney to sit, wondering since when Barney lets himself be manhandled that much, with audience non the less. Maybe Barney knows he can’t win this. Catches Doc‘s raised eybrows and smirk as he moved to sit beside him like always, it’s his fucking spot beside Barney, everywhere, doesn’t fucking matter where they are. 

„Got a problem?“ Lee snarked at him. Doc’s cut of from Barney

„Come on you two, no fighting today“ Lee wants to argue back, descides it’s better to ignore Doc at all, now’s not the time, not when Barney sounds so fucking exhausted. Focused his gaze back at Barney and can’t help to smile at him.

They are sitting shoulders and hips pressed together and Lee swears to himself that he doesn’t let him out of his sight the next days. Doesn’t think he will be able to be away from him. 

Can’t believe how close it was this time. Sure there were many missions fucked up before, but it‘s the first time he tought Barney was dead. Dread fills him when he thinks about the few seconds he tought him dead, the fast pounding of his sheattherd heart. Feels Barneys eyes on him. Fucking soft look on his face. Has to hold himself back and not to pounce on him and kiss him senseless. Grins and moves his hand to bump his fist with Barney, their after mission tradition. Feels Barneys hand clutch his tight and smile so softly at him that Lee wants to melt.

Drummer flys them back to their Plane and bids them goodbay but not without taking the micky out of Barney and how he owes him because hes an awesome pilot the cocky agent. But its something Lee will forever be grateful, and then takes off with Trench and Yang.

Lees adamant that Doc checks Barney for wounds before they fly back home. Can feel Barneys resistance but one glance at Lees hard stare stops the discussion before it begins. In all their years together Barneys learned the hard way when a figth with Lee is pointless because the British arse will get his will one way or another, so he saves them all the time and let Doc check him up.

After he’s been cleared in Docs limited options on a plane in fucking Azmenistan Barney insists, Lee thinks ist hilarious how Barney treats them all like some kindergarden kids, that Doc checks everybody on the long flight home.

Doesn’t think ist so funny anymore when he sees Barneys sneakly glance at him, announces loudly Lees gonna come with him in the cockpit an will be checked torougly from himself. His eyes glinting devilishly. Lee might get his way sometimes but Barney makes him pay, every fucking time. The mood’s too good to really be annoyed, but can’t stop his eyes rolling and huff when he hears the snickers from all around the plane.

Let himself this time babied from Barney, moves around an discarded his shirt so Barney can check is chest and ribs, hisses when Barney touches a particual sore spot. Sees his eyes darken with guilt. Touch Barneys shoulder an gives him a stern look, every times the same when Lees only so much as got a scratch.

Hearth beating faster from the care he gets from his older friend. Is confident maybe he feels similar to Lee and the feelings deeper then plantonic friendship. Promises himself to talk with him when they are back home. Don’t think now’s the right time with a bunch of teammates in the back and no privacy. Thinks about maybe the times right when they are alone in the Hanger after every ones showered and headed home. By then they should have the time to talk.

Lee offers to fly them home so Barney can rest, but the idiot refuses, at least he can coax him into sleeping a little in his pilot seat after the plane is in the air. Fucking delighted that Barney shows him his trust this way. Had to roll his eyes as he thinks about how he had to promise him to wake him after an hour or two. Like hell he will be waking him when he sleeps peacefully for once.

Looks sideways at Barneys sleeping face, wants to stroke his cheek, his hair, kissing him softly on these fucking beatiful looking lips. Wants to show him his love for him. „God you don’t know how much i love you, you demented old idiot“ he whispers softly, falters a little as Barneys shiveres, holds his breath and fucking hoping that he hasn’t heard what he said, knows he has to be more sensible about it when he tells him about his feelings. Knows even now Barneys resistance because the idiot thinks everyone who is close to him will die… 

...Flashback End...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter
> 
> Enjoy :)

Doesn’t understand how he tought he means more than an aquaintance to Barney fucking Ross. Fuck what a load of bullshit, Barney‘s his best friend. Lee couldn‘t believe how wrong he had been and assumed the same applies for both of them. But this demented idiot of an asshole wouldn’t talk to him after they came home, ignoring and cutting him out completly.

So for him leaving everything behind and start a new life is the only way, it hurts too bad. Maybe if Lee wouldn‘t be so angry and disapoinnted that he can’t think straight, he would have to admit that he exaggerated a bit. Maybe his surpressed anger that Barney had cut the old team out is also showing. Anyway he can‘t accept that Barney shoves him aside whenever he feels the need to do so. Maybe he’s a little bit melodramtic but who cares. If Barney can have his stupid ass descisions so can Lee.

After all its suddenly a good thing that he didn't settle down here, only stayed in motels. Lee feels dead inside, can't keep doing this to himself. Doesn't understand why he let Barney hurt him so much, can't keep fighting, can't let Barney keep pushing him away... 

Suddenly he hears Barney's bike and waits patiently until he parks and comes slowly to him, Lee is mesmerized from Barneys eyes, is lost in toughts, reminiscing about their time together, suddenly he‘s starteled as Barneys stands before him. Shit why does the bastard have to look so good. His heart flutters like always when Barneys near him. His tentalizing smell of his beloved chigars, a little bit of gunpowder and that unique scent thats all Barney. Looks him in the eye and maybe its a wish but maybe not that he sees a little bit dread and angst for the conversation's wich will be taking place in a few seconds. Won't make it easier to leave him and never look back. 

He almost convinces himself he can't say the words, but Lee owes it himself, so he looks Barney in the eye an chockes out "I'm leaving… i can’t stay and work for you if you throw me away. Can’t have your back if you don’t have mine. Can’t trust you anymore" Barney stares at him, shock and hurt is written clearly over his features but he says nothing, open and closes his mouth but no sound comes out. 

Lee can't look him in the eyes anymore, takes his dufflebag and starts to turn als he feels a soft touch on his shoulders, a fearful whisper "Lee..."  
Lee has to close his eyes. His heart is heavy, knew it wouldn't be easy to tell Barney he will be leaving and never come back.

Unexpectantly he feels battle rougend hands on his face, turning him back, softly strocking his cheeks and hears Barneys deep voice "Please talk to me Lee, i'm sorry that i hurt you so fucking much when i choosed to go alone against Stonebanks, without you and the guys.“ 

Lee swallowes hard, he is thorn between the want to hear what Barneys got to say and rip away from the soft hands on his face, drive away with his ducati, never looking back. Clenching his teeth, Lee forces the words out „Then tell me the fucks your problem, b’cause i won’t fucking play this game any longer with you, i’ve had enough of you bullshit over the years. Enoughs enough Barney.“ Desperately wants some space between them, but the steely grip on his Face wanders to his shoulders. Barney looks like he’s afraid if he loosend his grip Lee would vanish…

„I heard what you said in the plane while you tought i was sleeping… i choosed to act like a coward when i ran away from you… i don’t know what i was thinking ignoring you all week. God.. I'm so fucking sorry... but.. i can't ... oh fuck please tell me how i fix this, us.. i don't know..." Barney stammerd. 

He sucks in a deep breath, slowly in and slowly out and looks deep in Lees angry and hurt eyes. Huggs Lee tight and holds him to his chest. Can feel Lee hugging him back. Holding him equaly tight. Breaths again deeply in and out and tries again „Please don’t go. I know i have no right after the shit i pulled last week to ask you to stay but please let me explain, stay one night and i swear i will explain everything. You can ask me anything. If you choose to go anyway i promise i won’t stop you. I only need a minute to organize my thoughts.“

Of course Lee can’t leave him after whitnessing he’s a fucking mess. Thats not an Option, at least not for Lee. And maybe packing his things and leave was a bit hasty, looks like Barney wrestles with the same shit like everytime someone wants to be closer to him, some bullshit about not be safe enough… God sometimes Lee wants to smack him hard and punch this shit out of him… doesn‘t understand how he can belive in such things..

„Fucking hell of course im staying you fucking idiot. Leaving was my last ressort. We can’t go on forever like this. You cutting me out, but im willing to stay if you stop beeing an stubborn ass and tell me whats the problem you motherfucker.“ Wants to look stern but knows he cant help and grin a little.

Lee knows he can’t say no to Barney. And fuck if he is asking him to stay of fucking course he won’t leave him. He knows Barney has him wrapped around his finger, maybe that makes him weak, but he can’t help himself. It‘ fucking Barney, he knows the stubborn old goat would take every single bullet for him if he would give him the chance to do so..

Pha like Lee would be leaving when Barneys asking the opposite, least of all whens Barney in this state… goes to the fridge and takes two beers, hands one to Barney. Thinks they both will need it. Hopes desperatley he can open Barneys eyes, hopes he sees they can’t continou this way. 

So now he finds himself sitting shoulder to shoulder with Barney on a Box full of grenades beer in hand, silent, enjoying the company… waits patiently, and calmes his hopefully fast beating heart. Maybe Barneys only shut down emotionally, knowing this idiot he’s only talked himself out of his feelings. Lee has to roll his eyes, that would be typical für the old goat. But if this the case he will fight Barneys demons tooth and nail. Won’t let them win. But Barney has to open his fucking mouth and tell him. Won’t let him of the hook. Today they will be putting all their cards on the table. Lee promises himself he won’t jump to conclusions. And if he has to he will pull him every word out of his mouth.

" I know i fucked up, really fucked up. But i know i can't undo it, i'm sorry about all the fucking wrong things i said to you on this fucking street. But i meant what i said in the bar, i can't drag you down with me, i can't live with myself when something would happen to you because of me. 

If Stonebanks had the time to look at us, really look at us you would be dead.“ Lee has to admit it wouldn’t be unlikely, they were close since day one. Was this way from the beginning.

„I couldn't let that happen. And then you come again after i fucked up so bad, you always by my side, sometimes i don’t know what i’m thinking. God i tought all my fucking dreams come true when i heard you say i love you…" Lee can feel Barney shuddering. Turns sideways to look in his face, catches the love (hopefully he reads Barneys gaze right) in his eyes. 

Is curious as Barney looks determind at him, leans closer, voice soft as he speaks  
"I love you Lee, please forgive me. I know i do a lot of stupid shit, but i can't live without you. Please stay, don't go.“ Ok now he has to lean forward, hands on Barneys face, pulling him closer

Kiss him dirctly on his Lips, so fucking desperate with tounge and teeth an oh so fucking deep. Suck and bit on his bottom lip, to elicit a load moan from the demented idiot. Let all of his anger and frustration show in the kiss. Hands in Barneys hair, chest to chest, hold him right fucking there. Can't stop, can't get enough of him, show him how deeply hurt he is. Shows him all the fucking hurt. 

Heart beating so fast, breaths commings in pants and mixing with each other. Love shining in the eyes of this demented braindamaged bastard. Know he won't be able to stay away, not after this declaration of love, he will keep fighting 

"Promise me, fucking promise me Barney that you won't do it again. I know me, i can't forgive you for the same shit a second time. I can't go throu it again. "Lee stares at him hard. Barney knows Lee is deadly serious. He knows if he does the same shit again Lee won't ever forgive him for it, he knows Lee means it. Swears to himself he wont hurt him again, comes near Lee again touches his beautiful face, kiss his cheeks, his eyes, his lips. Turning his head to whisper in Lee's ear "i love you, i promise i won't do it again, i won't ever shove you away. I swear it Lee i won't do it again, can't do it again." 

Heart light as a feather Lee grins his wide shiteathing grin "God you are a fucking demented idiot" he says softly, strockes Barney cheeks an kisses him again, now so softly and so full of love he thinks his heart might explode. He smiles so much his cheeks hurt but can't stop because he's so fucking happy "I love you too, for a while now" 

**Author's Note:**

> I would be thrilled if you leave a comment.


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